Artifical grass: get a great lawn without the hard graft

If my old friends could see me now, relaxing in the sun on the lawn of my home, they’d say: “You’re a traitor to your country and everything it stands for.”

For this grass I’m reclining on is artificial. And that country is New Zealand, a land where a man’s ability to curate his own green, flat, perfectly manicured lawn on his quarter-acre slice of paradise ranks second only to his prowess with rugby ball in hand.

This is not the land of the long white cloud, however, but a typical London terrace garden: little more than the size of a postage stamp, facing the “wrong” direction, wreathed in shadows cast by the neighbours’ towering hedges and loft extensions. In the depths of the British winter, it is a place where light rarely ventures, and when it comes to growing grass, light is the stuff of life.

_{The garden before its makeover}

However, with one tearaway toddler in the household already and another on the way, the hodgepodge of concrete and paving stones that made up my back garden was never going to suffice. And I’d seen enough London “lawns” that are little more than mud-caked no-go zones, with coverings of grass thinner than the Duke of Cambridge’s royal thatch, to know that wasn’t an option either. The only choice was to fake it.

Artificial grass has come a long way. Whereas once the only possible look was “Crazy Golf chic”, now a bewildering array presents itself. “Woburn”, “The Kensington”, “The Regal”, the one with the Chelsea Flower Show pedigree. So far, so aspirational. Each company will send an array of grass swatches of differing lengths and textures that makes choosing your lawn as much of an agricultural experience as is leafing through a Laura Ashley catalogue. Eventually, I choose the more grounded-sounding LazyLawn. In south London, we fake the grass but we keep it real.

True to the name, the installation couldn’t be lazier. I sat back with a cuppa as a couple of burly blokes came around, tore up the old concrete and carted it away, and then got to work on the lawn. First, a layer of gravel goes down, which is then compacted. A fine membrane is overlaid to suppress any weed growth. Then, like a great green carpet, the 36mm “Wonder Yarn” grass is rolled out, cut to fit the nooks and crannies, and staked into place. A final step brushes a layer of sand through to help the grass sit more naturally. In a matter of hours, the work is done.

The effect is transformative, to say the least. Where once lay dull grey slabs, now is a cornea-searing blast of colour. It’s not just green, it’s GREEEEN. With its uniformity of length and colour, you’d never mistake this for the real thing, but with trees overhead and natural planting in the borders, the look is easily softened and doesn’t overwhelm.

Underfoot, the feel is surprising. What may be expected to be bristly and plastic between the toes is, in fact, remarkably soft and comfortable. An unadvertised bonus is the way it warms up in the sunlight, in a way that true turf does not. And for those unfortunates who suffer from hay fever, there’s no more of the itching that sometimes accompanies a sustained bout of lying on the lawn.

The real seal of approval, though, comes from two-year-old Theodore, who takes to tearing around the new lawn in delight. What was previously a child-unfriendly area, good for the skinning of knees and not much else, is now an extension of our living space, an outdoor rumpus room that drains and dries out quickly after a downpour.

Against the nature of my grass-fed upbringing, I can now proclaim to be a convert to the artificial lawn. Yes, I’ll never know the aroma of the freshly-cut field, that most invigorating of all smells, but then again, I’ll always know that the grass will never be greener on the other side of the fence.

FAKE IT IN THE GARDEN

Lawns

LazyLawn Wonder Yarn, 36mm, costs £23.75 per square metre plus VAT. Installation from £60 + VAT per square metre, subject to site survey (01572 768208; lazylawn.co.uk).

Other artificial grass companies: quickgrass.co.uk; artificiallawn.co.uk; trulawn.co.uk.

Minimum maintenance required: sweep once a week and remove any deposits with water and detergent.

Instant hedges

Ready-made hedges are pre-spaced, cut and then planted to fit the space of your garden. Average costs are £900 through wholesale nursery Readyhedge (01386 750585; readyhedgeltd.com).

Instant patio

An innovative kit that allows you to build an entire patio in a matter of hours, using a metal frame to guide where you position the paving stones, in a variety of layouts. From £799 through Aggregate Industries (01335 372289; aggregate.com/bradstone).

Mirrored walls

Make a small garden appear bigger with clever positioning of mirrors with foil backing. Have them cut to the size of existing walls or garden fences for maximum impact. From £35 for a 80cm x 50cm panel through Mirror Fit (020 8675 8584; mirrorfit.co.uk).

Fake pots

Imitation plant pots are generally made out of a lightweight plastic or fibreglass material that is maintenance and frost-free and is easy to clean.

Imitation terracotta: £80 through Replica Plants (replicaplants.co.uk). Imitation granite pots: £20 from B & Q (diy.com).

Imitation lead, terracotta and bronze planters: Capital Garden Products (capital-garden.com).